Things I won’t change

It is not the things you cannot change that hold you back.  It is the things you won’t.

This phrase popped into my head as I charged up a beautiful autumn hillside outside Santa Fe, New Mexico.  A close friend of mine had invited me to come and spend a few days of rest and renewal.  It was in the midst of this much-needed “r and r” that the Holy Spirit dropped these two lines in my head.

Since that trail run two weeks ago, I have returned to these sentences often; asking God to reveal the truth and depth of them in my life.  Here is what I have learned thus far.

1. I am not a victim.

We live in a culture that would have us believe that the difficulties in our lives are the result of forces leveraged against us.  Whatever the pain in your life, you are not the cause of it.  You are a simple and innocent bystander in the story of your life.  If you’re overweight, it’s a glandular problem—not your fault.  If you’ve been passed over for promotion, it’s because someone else is keeping you down, and you’ve been taken advantage of—not your fault.  If your marriage has fallen apart, it’s your spouse’s responsibility.  She just won’t take the time to communicate better—not your fault.  Your sex life with your wife is unfulfilling, if only she understood your needs better—not your fault.  If your children are bitter and distant, it’s because of their rebellious natures, not because of your parenting skills—not your fault.  Too often our culture tells us to take a pill, read another “self help” book, or move on if the going gets tough.  That is so rarely true it’s laughable.  Nine times out of ten, I am responsible for the circumstances in my life.  If I want things to change, I need to get on my knees, seek the Father and get busy becoming the Man of God He calls me to be.

2.  I have made some unhealthy agreements.

I have become such a masterful liar, that I can even lie to myself.  I’m sure you can relate.  There are so many things that I’ve “agreed” not to change or address about my life.  See if any of these ring true for you.  “I’m too busy to have a daily time with Jesus.”—baloney.  “My kids will understand that I can’t play with them right now.”—phooey.  “My wife knows I need this promotion.  She’ll understand if I can’t be there.”—bogus.  “I have to lie a little if I’m going to get ahead.”—wrong.  There is much more that each of us control than we like to admit.  Unhealthy agreements delay self-actualization and holy redemption.  They must be avoided at all costs.

This past weekend I attended an event titled, “The Rising – men rising to meet the challenges of tomorrow.”  If any of us are to truly rise, we must wholeheartedly embrace points one and two.  I am always the largest obstacle in the way of becoming all that God has called me to be.

Questions:

What are the things in your life that are “holding you back”?

Be painfully honest and evaluate if rather than being something you “cannot” control, its something you won’t.

List out some unintentional unhealthy agreements that have been shaping your attitudes.

Take each on that list and offer them as a prayer to God.

Example:

Dear Father I have unintentionally agreed that I cannot change my circumstances.  Give me the sight to see beyond that lie.  Help me to own my mistakes and help me to move beyond them.  Give me the courage and the strength to change.  In Jesus name, amen.

Joel Thomas

4 comments

  1. Thanks Joel, My life looks a lot like your post. I don’t play the victim as much as make accuses and lie to myself. The “I’m busy” and “I can hold back the truth” lies are the strongest in my life. I also too often count on my wife or girls to “remind” me to pray with them at night. I am asking God to help me, to transform me, so that I might take hold of the responsibility to lead my family into God’s presence and His purpose for us. Peace…
    Nate

  2. Joel You will be hearing this repeated by me in the days, Months and years ahead, “It is not the things you cannot change that hold you back. It is the things you won’t.” powerful and absolutely on target. Thank you.

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