Men Who Believe

“You will achieve the things you celebrate.”

My wife read this quote to me a couple years ago.  Unfortunately neither one of us can remember who said it.  Yet it has become a phrase that I revisit weekly, if not daily.  I am regularly asking myself how I can spend more time celebrating things in my life.

This principle is so true as to be almost lost in its simplicity.  It is such a basic truth that experts tell us it is the preferred way to train dogs.  As attractive and cathartic as a rolled up newspaper and a raised voice may be in response to your pet’s bad behavior, they will learn faster (and easier) if we praise them when they act as we have instructed.  Positive affirmation always trumps negative reinforcement.  This is the case with dogs and is overwhelmingly true when applied to human interactions.

I think of my kids.  I can choose to expend lots of energy feeling frustrated by their poor choices, and then take that frustration out on them.  Or I can recognize the many positive steps they’ve made and choose to celebrate them.  It is refreshing and humbling when I decide to go with the latter.  Celebrating their small steps forward honors them, disarms me and lays a solid foundation for future conversations.

I could go on and give examples where this principle has worked in my marriage, at work, with my neighbors and so on.  Rather than do that, I want to hear from you.  Leave a comment and share how celebrating a moment has led to greater achievement or deepening relationship.

. . .but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he’s alive! He was lost, and he’s found! Luke 15:32 MSG

Joel Thomas

How we respond to difficult situations often defines us and reveals the truth of our character.  The two responses I have heard frequently described are the “closed fist”, and the “open hand”.

Closed Fist –

This is our default stance.  This is about our perceived sense of control.  There are many reasons that this approach is wrong and unhealthy.  The bottom line though, is that attempting to close ranks around our issues and control them through a closed fist response is based on faulty reasoning.  Stated simply—control is a lie.  We do not control the situations in our life.  We are fully deceived if we think otherwise.  Attempting to “take control” of our situations is to attempt to knock God off His throne.  No amount of grasping will move Christ off His position as Sovereign over all creation.  I bring into question His reign and His right to rule when I attempt—lamely I might add—to control my circumstances.  Christ alone is in control.  He is unshaken, undeterred and not confused in regards to His role in my life.  Attempts at control only exhaust me and distract me from the trust I must place in the Father’s hands.

Open Hand –

I have heard this phrase time and again from many Godly mentors.  The theory is that my trust will be most fully displayed when I release my grip on what weighs me down.  Uncurling our fingers from around our greatest anxieties and fears is a cathartic exercise that provides greater opportunity for the Father to minister to our needs.  And yet, an open hand is a level of control.  There is still a lie at work in the Open Hand approach.  We are tempted to pat ourselves on the back at our trust and faithfulness from unclenching our fists from around our concerns.  Yet the truth is that we are still connected.  By very definition, an open hand is still holding the weight of whatever the fist was clinging to.  Have we given Jesus more access to our concerns?  Yes.  But we have not ceased to carry the burden.

There is a better way.  A way of freedom.  A way of true release and faith.

Hands Off –

This approach is excruciating.  It is the final step towards our release from anxiety and fear.  Letting go.  Completely.  The Hands Off approach is coming to the throne of the King and submitting our past, present and future entirely to Him.  It is the final step toward real freedom.  Removing our hands transforms our fears into offerings.  We leave them with the Father and walk away in the freedom, faith and joy that He will work all things for our ultimate benefit.

Where are your hands today?  Clenched?  Open?  Or free?

Joel Thomas

It has been a couple of weeks since Easter and I find myself reflecting on how the resurrection transformed those that witnessed it.  From the women who encountered the empty tomb to the Apostle Thomas’ reaction to the risen Jesus, the resurrection dramatically altered those that embraced its truth.

Transparent struggling seems to be a growing trend among Christian leaders.  There can be inherent power in a leader’s willingness to step out from their façade and admit the private questionings and doubts that plague them.  Unfortunately we have blurred the lines between honoring transparency and celebrating doubts.  In the past couple of weeks I’ve heard leaders share how they are: uncertain if Heaven is a reality, uncertain if the Resurrection was bodily or metaphorical, and uncertain if a literal Hell awaits those that refuse the free gift of salvation.  This is troubling for many reasons.

As leaders we are called to shepherd well.  If the shepherd is uncertain where to find clean water or fresh pastures, or uncertain how to protect the flock from predators—then he is not ready to be a shepherd.   He needs to gain more experience.

Look at the example of the Apostle Thomas.  When he hears that Jesus has risen from the dead, he has doubts.  Reasonable doubts.  What he hears from the other disciples is mysterious and outside his personal experience.  We can all appreciate and empathize with his response.

They told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he replied, “I won’t believe it unless I see the nail wounds in his hands, put my fingers into them, and place my hand into the wound in his side.”  John 20:25 NLT

I can relate to Thomas.  It wasn’t like resurrections were a common occurrence.  These were fantastic claims.  It is easy to brand Thomas as a weak believer but he is not a bad guy.  He is merely honest about his need to experience first hand what the others had already experienced.  He is committed, but not yet convinced.  He is committed to the teachings of Christ but has yet to have a personal encounter with the risen LORD.  This changes eight days later.

Eight days later the disciples were together again, and this time Thomas was with them.  The doors were locked; but suddenly, as before, Jesus was standing among them.  He said, “Peace be with you.”  Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands.  Put your hand into the wound in my side.  Don’t be faithless any longer.  Believe!”  “My Lord and my God!” Thomas exclaimed. John 20:26-28 NLT

Thomas has an almost involuntary response to his personal experience with the risen Christ.  “My Lord and my God!”  It is as though these words leap from his chest unrestrained.  Thomas has moved from committed to convinced.  History tells us that shortly after this experience, Thomas headed off to India and spent the rest of his life sharing the Gospel and testifying to the truth of the resurrection.  That is what conviction and certainty will do in our lives.

Moving from committed believers to convinced followers demands action.  Certainty of our core convictions becomes the fuel that ignites our passions and drives us to share our story of transformation with others.  Please do not misunderstand me.  There is much I do not fully understand about my faith.  I don’t understand how Jesus can be fully God and fully man.  I don’t understand how my prayers affect and interact with an omniscient and omnipotent God.  I don’t always grasp the power of the Holy Spirit in my daily life.  These are not doubts though.  They are mysteries.  Mysteries that point to a much larger and grander picture of redemption than my five senses are able to grasp.

Transparency is a laudable trait for leaders and pastors.  We need to be intentional and avoid speaking from pedestals.  Yet our positions require us to lead with certainty and conviction.  If there are core issues of faith that you are uncertain of, or unconvinced of, then take the example of the Apostle Thomas and share boldly with God what it will take to convince you.  Jesus was gracious to provide Thomas with the certainty he needed.  He has been equally gracious to me and will be for you.

“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,” declares the LORD. Jeremiah 29:13-14 NIV

Joel Thomas

Turning points.  A point at which a decisive change takes place.  A critical point.  A crisis point.

There are many such points littered throughout history.  Shots fired at Fort Sumter on April 12^th, 1861 that began the US Civil War.  Martin Luther nailing his 95 theses on the door of Castle Church in Wittenburg, Germany launching The Reformation.  Adolf Hitler’s choice to invade Poland in 1939 that led to World War II.  Rosa Parks’ unwillingness to give up her seat to a white person on December 1^st, 1955 that began the Civil Rights struggle in earnest.  All are examples of profound turning points in US and world history.

Interestingly though is that very few, if any contemporaries understood the importance of these moments at the time.  They did not have the benefit of historic hindsight with which to evaluate these powerful moments.  Rosa Parks, for example, did not set out that day to initiate a countrywide Civil Rights movement.  She was simply tired of putting up with injustice and discrimination in her own life.  The world never anticipated the blood-drenched repercussions of Hitler’s invasion of Poland.  Turning Points are notoriously difficult to anticipate.

Maybe that is why the disciples were unable to grasp the enormity of their final Passover meal with Jesus.  After spending three years together, they had shared this meal at least once, if not twice before.  It was special, as the Passover was to all Jews; but not history changing.  The disciples did not appreciate nor understand that they were rounding the corner on the most important Friday in cosmic history.  Jesus’ institution of a new covenant—“This cup which is poured out for you is the new covenant in My blood”—along with a new commandment—“do this in remembrance of me”—was met with shrugs and general confusion.  The greatest Turning Point of all time was not appreciated by those present at the turning.  The disciples were so unfazed by Jesus’ new instructions that immediately following this new Holy Communion, they began bickering over who of them would be greatest in the Kingdom.

You and I however share the benefit of history.  We know about the excruciating sacrifice of that first Good Friday, the sadness and confusion of that Saturday and the holy unrestrained joy of the first Resurrection Sunday.  We cannot claim ignorance of the power and importance of this most preeminent of Turning Points.  The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is the fulcrum that all of creation turns upon.  Do not let this weekend, this yearly commemoration pass you idly by.  Honor and bless the LORD by spending all the time necessary to soak in the potent meaning of His death and resurrection.

The marvel of heaven and earth, of time and eternity, is the atoning death of Jesus Christ. This is the mystery that brings more glory to God than all creation.   C. H. Spurgeon

Joel Thomas

Last weekend I went on a backcountry snowboarding trip to Fowler hut with a guy I’ve been mentoring and his younger brother.  Fowler hut sits at 11,500ft and is a five and a half mile hike from the trailhead.  That’s not typically a bad hike.  What I overlooked though was the more than 2500 vertical feet we would be climbing while carrying all our food and gear for three days.  It turned into a fairly grueling uphill slog.

After about three hours we trudged through the last pines onto a traverse just above tree line.  I was tired.  More than that, I was frustrated and annoyed.  I had struggled (and failed) the entire hike to reposition my pack so that it rode on my hips and not my shoulders.  My shoulders felt like someone had taken a cheese grater to them, then slowly smeared fresh lemon juice into the raw skin.  Needless to say, I was ready to get to the hut and take off my pack.

On the traverse we met up with members of the group we would be sharing the hut with.  They were feeling the effects of the steep climb and had pulled back to a slow plod.  Leaving one from our group with them, I turned to Jeff (the younger brother) and said, “I’m ready to be there.  Let’s get after it and knock this thing out.”  He agreed wholeheartedly and we took off.  Pain, frustration and weariness became the fuel for our final push to the hut.

Off the traverse we came down into a saddle around 11,000ft. and were presented with a choice.  Turn right, or turn left.  There were an equal number of tracks in either direction.  Jeff and I knew that the hut was just a few hundred feet down from this saddle.  But we didn’t know which direction.  The guys behind us were the only ones with a map.  Driven to get to the hut, and not wanting to wait for or hike back to the other folks, we made a choice to go left.  We pushed hard for another half mile along some of the sketchiest sections of trail.  Things were not feeling right.  We should have been there by now.  Jeff and I decided to stop and wait for the group to catch up.  No one came by.

After about twenty minutes it became clear that we had ventured off in the wrong direction.  I was angry.  I so badly wanted to be out of the cold blowing snow and in a warm hut without my pack knifing into my shoulders.  Unfortunately, I could only be angry with myself.  No one had forced me to blaze ahead.  I had willingly left those with clear directions behind me.  My impatience and lack of wisdom was biting me viciously in the backside.

Swallowing hard on my pride and irritation I said to Jeff, “We need to turn back around.”  He wasn’t any happier with this decision than I was, but understood the reality of the situation.  So once again, off we set ourselves back up to the saddle.

As we crested over the ridge into the saddle, his brother was standing waiting for us.  Great.  Turning and hiking to the right, the hut came into view shortly and within and few minutes we were all lying down on our beds stretching out our weary muscles.

In my haste and annoyance I had added an additional mile and around forty-five more minutes to the hike.  I had pushed into unknown territory without the benefit of a map.  I ran ahead of those with clear directions.

This is an issue God has been speaking into me for some time.  Last week I read in Numbers 14 the story of how the Israelites rebelled against God’s instruction to move into Canaan.  Moses explains to them that because of their unwillingness to obey, God will allow an entire generation to perish in the desert before they will enter the Promised Land.  The elders of Israel mourned this instruction but then decided to try crossing into the land anyway.

So they got up early the next morning and set out for the hill country of Canaan. “Let’s go,” they said. “We realize that we have sinned, but now we are ready to enter the land the LORD has promised us.” Numbers 14:40

They were ignoring God’s clear instruction.  Moses tries to warn them against getting out in front of God.

But Moses said, “Why are you now disobeying the LORD’s orders to return to the wilderness? It won’t work. Do not go into the land now. You will only be crushed by your enemies because the LORD is not with you.  Numbers 14:41-42

Moses lays it out for them in no uncertain terms.  “It won’t work . . . the LORD is not with you.”  They wouldn’t listen though.  They were frustrated, exhausted and annoyed by their long hike through desert.  They were willing to leave God’s directions behind them if it meant achieving their goal.  The result of their decision is no surprise.

Nevertheless, in their presumption they went up toward the highest point in the hill country, though neither Moses nor the ark of the LORD’s covenant moved from the camp.  Then the Amalekites and the Canaanites who lived in that hill country came down and attacked them and beat them down all the way to Hormah.  Numbers 14:44-45

The Israelites left God’s prophet—Moses—and the physical representation of His presence on Earth—the ark—literally behind them.  They made the most critical error any of us can make, they got out in front of God.

When we run ahead of God we deny His sovereignty and lose the benefits of His instruction and covering.  When we get consumed with our own frustrations, desires and pride we are in danger of running ahead of God.  What did the Amalekites and Canaanites do to the Israelites as a result of their foolishness?  I love this phrase, they “beat them down”.

Foolishly hiking ahead on my way to Fowler hut resulted in more time; more vertical feet and feeling more beat down by the trail.  I had gotten in my own way because of my need to have things on my terms and in my timing.  All of that was avoidable if I had stopped, let go of my desires and wisely stayed close to those with clear directions.

God has clear directions for all of us.  My prayer is that we won’t become distracted and impatient then foolishly run ahead of His will.  If you have moved out in front of God, stop.  Swallow your pride, turn around, retrace your steps and learn to walk alongside the Father.

Joel Thomas

Acts 1:8 You will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.

We are called to be heralds for the King to a dark and unbelieving world.  We are the vessels of “new wine”, of the good news—the Gospel.  It is the King’s divine plan to utilize and mobilize us to expand His message of redemption, peace and joy.  Unfortunately, such a plan is in direct opposition to social entropy.  We—especially as Americans—have mastered the art of finding what is comfortable, and resting there.  We seek out environments that will allow us to feel fat and happy.

This is entirely understandable.  We crave environments where we can be known, accepted and at peace with those around us.  Creating that level of honesty, vulnerability and acceptance takes time.  It takes a high level of relational and emotional investment.  Once we have found such a group, why would we want to leave it?  Why wouldn’t we rest in the warm agreeable embrace of those that know and love us?  We wouldn’t because the expansion of the Kingdom is dependent on our propelling the message outward—to Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria, “and to the ends of the earth.”

If the Church we read of in the book of Acts had sought only to find a contented equilibrium with its “current” attenders, Christianity would never have expanded and grown.  Most likely, if adopted by the early Church, such an attitude of complacency would have led to a slow fade and eventual eradication of the Gospel. Thankfully that was not their attitude.  Their attitude was that of Christ Jesus when he proclaimed, “I will build My church; and the gates of Hades will not overpower it.”

We must battle against our very human need for comfort.  We must seek situations where will be challenged and stretched.  Pursuing situations where we must trust in the leading and blessing of the Holy Spirit.  Therefore, if you are in a small group that is large yet unwilling to multiply, it is time to accept the Lord’s instruction to “go into all the world”.  If you are attending a church that seems content to “fortify its walls” rather than “take new ground”, then it is time to challenge others to read, meditate and respond to the instructions of Christ.

God’s will for your group or church is not to get complacent and comfortable with the holy huddle that has formed.  His will is that you would support one another as you faithfully multiply and expand His Kingdom through new relationships.  This can be scary and uncomfortable, but it is an essential part of the world-changing plan of the High King of Heaven.

Joel Thomas

This week I invited Paul Savage (founder of Savage Love Ministries) to share his reflections on the typical client he works with.  What he sent me is candid, raw and honest.  You may not agree with it.  You may be deeply offended by it.  That is fine.  Don’t make the mistake though of simply writing off what he has to say.  Read his article and ask God to reveal yourself in it.  Then make a plan to act on what you have learned.

As Men Who Believe, we must invite the Holy Spirit to shed light into any darkness that exists within us.  While always remembering that our identity is not found in any secret sin.  It is found in the One who paid the price we could not bare and purchased our freedom at the expense of His own life.

It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

Joel Thomas

As a psychotherapist who works exclusively with men who struggle with sexual sin and their wives, there is “typical guy” who I see even though each guy’s story is different.  The reasons why guys struggle with sexual sin are pretty universal.

Here is the profile:

Gender: Male

Age:32-60

Religion: Exclusively Christian

Marital Status: Usually married

Most guys come to me because they have gotten caught.  They have gotten caught masturbating, looking at porn, checking out women in the presence of their wives, visiting massage parlors, strip clubs, having affair(s) and/or they have been arrested (guys who get arrested most always get better.  Something about being in handcuffs for the first time really changes a guy’s perspective on life).  If a guy is married, his marriage is typically not good.  It can be functioning OK, but it is rarely what I would classify as good.  If a guy is single, he most likely comes to see me because “it makes him feel better about himself”.  Unfortunately, most single guys whom I have seen (as well as other therapists) rarely have prolonged periods of not acting out sexually even after therapy.  Without a wife who is involved in her man’s recovery, a man has very little motivation to get better.  I am not saying single guys cannot get better.  For three years of my recovery I was single and I continued to do the things neccesary to stay on the path of recovery.  I am just saying it is rare.

Most men do not just “start sinning sexually” one day after they become an adult.  Their pattern of acting out often began before the age of 15 and has continued on and off and on and off and on again for years.  Many wives of the guys I see ask “What is my part in his sin?”  Most often I tell them that they have had very little to do with their husband’s sin.  Usually his pattern of behavior started in early adolescence.

There are six types of sexual sin and most of my clients exhibit at least two of these traits sometimes all six.

1. Emotional: Did not receive love and affection from their mother and/or father as a child and they went to the Woman (physical and imaginary) to receive that love and affection.
2. Physical: When a man ejaculates he produces chemicals in his body that are four times stronger than heroin (endorphins, adrenalin, dopamine serotonin and enkaphlins).  Nothing gives us an emotional rush like an orgasm.
3. Chemical: This is the guy who acts out sexually to regulate his body chemistry.  He is likely, bi-polar, manic-depressive and/or clinically depressed.  Many times if these guys get on the proper medication to regulate their body chemistry, they act out less frequently.
4. Trauma: Sexual abuse is very common in many of my clients (40-50%).  Victims of sexual abuse act out for many reasons.  The best way to describe it is that something within their sexual psyche is “tweaked/skewed”.
5. Spiritual: This is the guy who is demon possessed and once he is cleared of the demon(s) he no longer struggles with sexual sin.  Unfortunately, many people in the church believe that this is common and in many churches, it is the norm.  This could not be farther from the truth.  Dr. Doug Weiss, my mentor and the leading expert on sexual addiction within the Church, has counseled over 5000 men.  He knows of FIVE men like this.  Demon influence and oppression is real.  I see it every day in my practice.  But waving the “magic God wand” over guys and they don’t struggle again is not the norm.
6. Intimacy Anorexic: This is the active withholding of love, emotions, feels and praise with our wives.  The best way to explain it is “going into the man cave” emotionally.  This is a learned behavior and it is/was a coping mechanism to deal with pain, trauma, and hurts now and in early childhood.  It goes hand in hand with sexual sin, because acting out sexually is a way for a man to medicate his feelings and emotions.

Through the process of therapy we find out why a guy acts out sexually and how his past has affected him in how he views his world today.  I help him heal from past trauma, forgive those who have wronged him and learn how to not act out.  This process can take anywhere from 4 months to one year.  I have found that most men need to do five things to get out of and stay out of sexual sin.

1. Connect with like-minded men: please notice that I said like-minded men.  Many men have gotten beat up by well-meaning Christian men.  Christians are all too good at shooting their wounded.  Men need to be with guys who will love them no matter what they have done or where they have been and they need guys who know how to gently kick them in the butt.
2. Counseling: this is not because that is the way I make my living.  Men act out sexually because of stuff from their past and they need to heal and learn how to better cope with life.  Sexual sin has very little to do with sex and almost everything to do with our reaction to what life has thrown at us.
3. Intimacy with God: “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God” Mathew 5:8.  The Greek word for “see” is optimai, which translates better as “experience” God.  You cannot experience God without being pure in heart and you cannot be pure in heart without connecting with like-minded guys and counseling.  Number 3 likely will not happen without numbers 1 and 2 happening.
4. His wife needs to be involved: Men get better much easier and faster when their wife is involved to some degree.
5. Polygraph: Men who struggle with sexual sin have a difficult time telling the truth.  It goes back to the statement that most men have about themselves: “if you really knew me you would not like me”.  Man men do not like who they are; so that’s one of the reasons they lie.  They also lie because they do not want to admit that they have failed in the area of sexual sin.  They have heard at church from the pulpit “stop sinning sexually”.  But they do not know how to stop.  They can stop for a season but it comes back eventually.  The polygraph helps you stop sinning sexually.

If sexual sin is a part of your life, I would be glad to help you.  I know what it feels like to be sitting in the pew thinking “I would love to stop but I do not know how”.  I know what it is like to live a dual life.  After I acted out I would ask God to forgive me and I would ask him to take the sin away from me.  But weeks or months later I would act out again.  I tried to get better on my own, but I had very little success.  I have not acted out sexually for nearly seven years and I have been working on my “recovery” for twelve years.  I know what it takes to get out and stay out of it. The five things listed above I do!  They are not just words for me, but a lifestyle of living in purity and freedom.  Living pure is not bondage but FREEDOM.

Paul Savage

(303) 881-6742  psavage@savageloveministries.org

A couple weeks ago I was sitting at Denny’s enjoying a Fit Slam over some great conversation with a mentor/friend of mine.  We get together sporadically, share stories and connect with the ways that God has been moving in each of our lives.  I always look forward to our breakfasts.

On this particular morning we were wrestling through the “mechanisms” we each use when making decisions.  As a retired Army Ranger, he knows a thing or two about evaluating choices and making tough decisions.  I explained that often I have taken the approach of asking God to close doors that He does not want me to walk through.  There have been a few problems with this strategy though:

1. Rather than bringing peace and allowing me to walk in the freedom of my decisions—it added pressure and anxiety.
2. Too often I was left paralyzed as I waited for God to “close” a perceived door.  Instead of moving forward in faith, I was left in a strange limbo of indecision.

My friend offered a fresh perspective.

As a father of four beautiful and amazing children, I am well aware of the work necessary to “baby proof” a home.  With each new addition to our family, my wife and I would move through our rooms evaluating potential dangers.  Doors that might lead to danger were appropriately locked and child proofed.  Doors that were safe to walk through were left opened.  Our children could move about in freedom and security.  Liberated in the knowledge that an open room was safe to enter.

My friend challenged me to view the decisions and choices in my life in a similar fashion.  Could I trust that my Father in Heaven was at least as good a father as myself?  If in my imperfection I could be counted on to protect my children from danger, then how much more could I trust in my perfect Heavenly Father to do the same.  No longer do I need to be paralyzed at the intersection of decisions and choices.  If a door is opened, move forward in confidence and security.  If it is shut, stop beating on it and change directions.  Simple, straight forward—freeing.

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!  Matthew 7:11

Walking in this freedom is difficult.  Our westernized mind-set tells us that there is one correct option.  One choice that leads to success and happiness, and all others lead to failure and regret.  This is rarely—if ever—true.  Jesus tells us that; “it was for freedom that Christ set you free.”  No longer do we need be bound up in anxiety and indecision.

Walk in the will of the Lord.  Then move forward with confidence and trust in your perfect Heavenly Father.

Joel Thomas

Questions for reflection:

What decision(s) are you wrestling with?

To the best of your ability, have you sought the Father’s will?

Be honest.  Are you beating on a closed door, or standing fearful at an opened one?

What would it look like to move forward in freedom and confidence?

Suggested Prayer:

Dear Father in Heaven, help me to walk confidently in your will.  Free me from the anxiety of my decisions and help me to trust in your goodness and faithfulness to my family and me.

A few months ago I was working with a ministry in Haiti (heartlineministries.org).  Among the several things we were working on was the construction of wooden trusses for a roof.  We had a stack of rough-cut lumber we were measuring and cutting to form the trusses.  It was good sweaty work.  Which is generally the only kind of work there is in Haiti.

As I was handing up pieces of lumber to the crew on the roof I felt a sharp stab in the meaty flesh of my thumb.  Inspecting my hand I discovered a sizeable spear of wood rammed into my previously unmarked flesh.  This evil intruder had wriggled deep into the base of where my thumb met my palm.  In a clumsy effort to remove it, I instead sent it burrowing deeper.  Not wanting to slow construction down, I sucked up the pain and discomfort and returned to handing up sections of truss.

Soon the stabbing pain morphed into a steady dull ache.  If I really focused on the tasks of measuring, cutting and carrying lumber I could forget the pain and ache for a time.  But it never left entirely.  Minutes might pass, but eventually I would grasp something that would force the jagged splinter against a fresh nerve ending—reminding me anew of the pain I was working to forget and move beyond.  I worked like this the remainder of the day.  Dull ache, sharp pain, work, work, work.

Disappointment is so often like that injurious wooden shard.  Sharply painful at first, then if left unattended, it grows into a dull ache.  A steady reminder of a hurt that has never been fully addressed.

Recently I sat down for coffee with a good friend of mine.  He is a wonderful man, a good Husband, Father and friend.  He shepherds a thriving small group and has been actively involved in the life of our church for years.  By most surface measurements he is joyful and content with his life.  Yet he wrestles deeply with the disappointment of loosing his job.  It has been many months since he was laid off as the result of inner-office politicking and backstabbing.  I feel the sadness, anger and disappointment flow off of him as he recounts his painful season of unemployment.  His initial disappointment with the treatment he received from his previous co-workers has never been fully addressed.  He has taken the traditional “manly” approach—suck it up, push the feelings aside, and soldier on.  Like me working wood in Haiti, he has not taken the time to stop and address the splinter of his disappointment.

After a day of working hard under the heavy sun of Port-au-Prince, and of ignoring the throbbing pain in my hand I sat down and began the painful process of removing the jagged slice of wood.  When I peeled off the work gloves I had put on to avoid additional splinters, I was taken aback at the fiery red infection that had begun to set in.  My choice to “push through the pain” rather than properly remove the sliver at the time it happened only guaranteed more pain and a longer recovery now.  That annoying piece of wood was never going to kill me.  Putting off dealing with it though meant I would be less efficient and less effective the next day.  I couldn’t control getting the splinter, but my choices afterwards ensured that the road to health would be longer and more painful.

What has disappointed you recently?  Have you taken the time and energy to address that hurt?  Or have you (like I so often do) leaned away from the pain and attempted to muster through it.  My guess is that the sliver of disappointment is still there.  It has been left unattended.  You have created “work arounds” that protect you from the initial sharp pain, but leave you with a steady dull ache.  Stop.  Take the time to fully address the hurt.  Left unattended, slivers of disappointment lead to the infection of bitterness, regret and hopelessness.  Pulling the sliver out is painful and takes time, but there is healing and freedom on the other side.

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again . . . Galatians 5:1

Joel  Thomas

Suggested Prayer

Dear Father lead me through the pain of my disappointment.  Help me to forgive those that have wounded me and to move forward in freedom.  Amen

As I read in Nehemiah recently, verses 19-21 of chapter 4 leaped out at me:

“The work is great and widely spread, and we are separated on the wall, far from one another. In the place where you hear the sound of the trumpet, rally to us there. Our God will fight for us. So we labored at the work …”

Then in verse 3 of chapter 6:

“I am doing a great work and I cannot come down.”

What is this great work?

For Nehemiah, God called him to rebuild the wall of Jerusalem because it left his people vulnerable to their enemies. For many of us the “great work” is loving and leading our wives and families, working with excellence in the career position He has given us, following Christ with all our hearts, listening to Him in His Word, and helping others be heart-level followers of Him. The “great work” is the work God has called you and I to do. The work of living dangerously and impactful for God and engaging other men to do the same is great.

Why?

Because so much rides on whether a man is connecting with God in a real way –

his wife’s well-being, his children’s development, his influence at work, his church, his neighborhood.

Most men are facing challenging life issues now – job, finances, marriage, raising children, etc. The fires of our persistent pressures make it easy “to come down” and settle for less than God is calling us to do. Isolation though is often times the greatest detriment to fulfilling God’s great work. As Nehemiah said,

“we are separated on the wall, far from one another.”

Staying connected with other like-hearted men gives us fresh energy, courage, and staying power. It reminds us that we are part of something greater than ourselves, part of an intangible kingdom that will never fail.

I urge you … as you go into this New Year – find ways to connect with other men consistently. These men are in your church, work-place, and neighborhood – and you each will profit from your taking the initiative.

There are many good tools out there but one you may want to use is “The Making of a Dangerous Man; Stories of Dangerous Men and Your Story.” You may go to www.dangerousman.org to access a copy. It is a ten week guide and journal that fleshes out this great calling of becoming men of God.

“In the place where you hear the sound of the trumpet …”

Let’s respond with courage as God impresses on our hearts the work He is calling us to in 2012!

Al Larson

Reflection

Describe the situations where you feel most isolated. How could you invite God into those moments?

Who is one other man that you will commit to connect with in the next week?

Suggested prayer

Dear Father, reveal to me the great work you have prepared for me. Give me courage & passion to joyfully fulfill this calling, and Lord unite me with other men that our service may be more than the sum of its parts. To your glory, amen.